Warning : The following blog may be messy. Don’t be surprised if the content is random, explicit, distressing, or just plain raw. This is honest. This is life in Africa.
Fact : Africa sucks. A LOT.
My pour journal is probably tired of me taking my frustration, heartache, disappointment, and just plain anger out on it. But, I’m frustrated people! I mean, let’s be real here. Africa is NOT all butterflies and sunshine. It’s a whole lot of dirt, sickness, gross smelling, nasty old men. And, I don’t say any of this out of spite or hatred. I say it because it’s true. Life in Africa is HARD. Like, no joke. Yes, we do have a house. Yes, we do have a shower and a real toilet. Yes, we get fed three times a day. But, that doesn’t make up for the heartache that I feel when I have to step over a child that is begging for food or money in the middle of the road. That doesn’t help my heart when I see an old man dying in the slum of trash that “keeps him warm” at night. There are many times when all I want to do is run outside and scream; there are even more times when I cry myself to sleep. I knew my heart was big, but I had no idea that it could break so easily. I had no idea that everyday would be another rollercoaster ride, or that I would want to get off this stupid ride so much. I have watched flu and sickness run through my team like wildfire. I have watched people continuously get discouraged. I have watched old men look me up and down like I’m a piece of meat. I have heard children cry in the street because they are starving. I have met people who don’t know if they will make it through the day because of illness. I have heard and felt and seen things that I never wanted to. And, there are so many times when I just want to journal or email someone and say AFRICA SUCKS, BRING ME HOME NOW! …I hate being stared at. I hate creepy men grabbing me. I hate feeling broken and vulnerable and scared. I hate being sick all the time. I hate being frustrated with my teammates..I am almost at my breaking point with my team becuase living with 15 people on top of each other SUCKS. The food SUCKS. Carbs SUCK. I hate door to door evangelism. I get frustrated with school ministry, because these kids don’t speak english. No one in Africa is ever on time. I hate having no privacy. African men are too forward. I hate having to smell human waste all the time. I’m tired of burning trash. I hate wearing the same four articles of clothing, and only getting to bathe once a week. I hate stressing about if I will have anything to eat or not, because I’m Daniel fasting. I hate feeling exhausted physically, emotionally, and siritually. I’m tired. And…Sometimes, I just hate Africa.
Now that you’ve heard every ounce of negativity in me, let me tell you something. God is good. God heals the sick. I have SEEN it. We have prayed over people who were paralyzed and now they walk. We have taught children about the love of the Lord and though they don’t know a lick of English, they understand. I have held newborn babies and praised the Lord. We have done manual labor because we are healthier than most of the people in this entire country. We have brought people the only source of light that they may ever recieve. We have shared God with any and everyone that will listen. And, even though it isn’t easy, it is all worth it. Because, at the end of the day, even with all the tears and frustration, all my journal entries end with “God is GOOD.” And that is true. God is good.
And I am blessed.
