Once Apon a Rooftop

The best things come out of being alone.

         when i was up on the rooftop not feeling good God gave me so many convictions, and that turned into my first sermon. So hear it is, hope you enjoy!

 I have everything to lose

By not getting up to fight

I might get used to giving up

So I am showing up tonight

I am my own enemy

The battle fought within my mind

If I can overcome step 1

I can face the 99

       -Superchick

              When I’m in that place of I feel like I can’t face things anymore this song helps me. We do have everything to lose by not getting up to fight. If we stay down then we are letting the devil win. When we stay and not fight for what is right, people lose out on the chance to know our God. I might get used to giving up…. That to me is so true. Lately I have given up and hadn’t realized it. I was mad and bitter about so much that I decided that I didn’t matter. So I got used to giving up when it came to getting closer to God. So I am showing up tonight. That to me is a line I need to use every day. I had to learn to keep showing up to church even when I was upset or mad. I needed to keep showing up to the people who hurt me, and show them that what they say and think about me doesn’t matter. Only what God thinks about me matters. I didn’t see that to be truth for a long time. I only cared about what people thought about me. I would change myself to be what they wanted. Not what God wanted. I worried so much that it would cause me physical pain.  Matthew 6:27 says, “Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” When I read that I froze. I have been worrying so much that I had lost precious time I needed with God.

               I am my own enemy, The battle fought within my mind. That line in the song hits me the most. I didn’t realize that until this trip to Africa. I am my own enemy. I destroy myself more than anyone else can. When I was young I got it in my head that if I hurt myself the most, anything anyone else said can’t hurt me. I would be so hard on myself. I made myself feel like I wasn’t good enough. Because I thought that about myself, when others would tell me that I failed at something it didn’t hurt me. I became numb inside. I was the one fighting myself. I still fight myself. I struggle with it everyday. It is so hard for me to hear people praise me. Because I don’t see what they see in me. The people on my team constantly tell me things that I am doing good.  But I don’t always believe them because I feel that I am always failing. I was talking to one of the people on my team and they told me I need to stop doing that to myself. They told me I am worth love. That hit me hard! How was I worth anything? Someone gave me a note with a verse on it that really hit me. It’s Philippians 1:9-11, “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that come through Jesus Christ- to the glory and praise of God.” It showed me that I needed to seek Gods love not other peoples love and acceptance. And to seek Gods love I needed to love myself. I took a few hours to be alone and I cried out to God to take my hatred of myself away. I am not living the life he wants because I hated my life. God told me that I am loved and I am his beautiful child. WOW, I am his beautiful child. I have never thought that about myself.

              If I can overcome step 1, I can face the 99. I have over come step 1 now. That was to know that I am loved. That I don’t need to beat myself up anymore. Because I know that now I can face the 99 more battles I have. I know now that God is taking them over and I just need to obey him. That was a hard lesson to learn and I am still learning it. But with Gods help I know I am his loved child. And that is all I need to know. I am His. Proverbs 29:25 says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” I no longer fear what people think of me. I trust in the Lord and he will keep me safe. 

 

 

               All of this came out while sitting on the roof. I love what God is doing in my life. And he is still changing me. But if I keep listening then I will become a much better servant of his. Africa is the best place for me to be right now. I am thankful for this trip and the opportunity to get to see what God has done for people here. God has blessed us all!!