So, there were a few days where my fire for God just flatlined. I asked God to break me. by asked I mean, spent all evening crying out to God, I begged, pleaded, demanded God to wreck my life. I wanted to be desperate for Him. I wanted to be beaming with love for Him. I wanted to be on fire for Him.
Its like I’m standing on a chair with a noose around my neck. I asked God to kick the chair out from under my feet because I wanted to find myself standing on the solid rock of Christ.
Struggling, I read a letter from Alex Willer who reminded me, even when I fail God, He wont fail me. I’m incredibly thankful that our God is a loving, merciful, graceful, forgiving God.
The next morning I woke up with 2 Corinthians 12 running through my head. God allowed a thorn, a messenger of satan, to harass Paul to keep him from becoming conceited. Paul asked three times, but God would not remove the thorn in his side saying, “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” Paul continues, saying therefore, I bill boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I had wondered how God was going to answer my prayer and challenge me.
That night, I fell sick with an acute pain in my side. All the next day I was miserable, and stayed back from ministry to rest. The following night, after asking the team to pray healing over me, I woke up three times and specifically asked God to remove the pain from my side. The next morning, I remembered Paul’s thorn. “My grace is sufficient for you.” I realized I had to lean on Gods strength and press on. I went to ministry and the longer we walked, them more tired I got, but the pain seemed to fade as I continued to pray. Even when we have pain, persistent struggles, and the whathaveyous in life, Gods grace is sufficient. He allows us to struggle because He wants to be glorified through our struggles, not only our success.
Africa has been teaching me to lean on God for all things. While I was sick, I read the book The Ragamuffin Gospel. I highly recommend you put it at the top of your to do list.
As for what going on with the team we’ve had the opportunity to be involved in a church construction project, hospital/clinic ministry, door to door evangelism, lots of childrens ministry, and prison ministry which, unfortunately I missed out on, but God was working in my life anyway.
Praise God, Amen. ; ]
