The night of February 2nd, at midnight, I gained full freedom.
I had been letting events in my past get to me and bring me down, and as a result I was not allowing God to fully enter my heart. At about 11:30 on February 1st I woke up screaming in my sleep, holding my leader Los (Laurens) hand, panting and crying uncontrollably. It was in that moment I realized that I could not live like this anymore. My past, joined by the pasts of some of the people closest to me had been haunting me for to long.
Once I had settled Lo ran and grabbed the rest of the girls on my team and they prayed over me for a while. And finally, right after midnight, I received the love; forgiveness and grace the Lord had been waiting for me to take. I finally let go of the guilt and let God handle it. It is finally over.
I broke that night, in a way I never thought I could. The Holy Spirit entered into me in a way I never knew possible. That night not only did I receive freedom, but God blessed me with a incredible gift.
Lo had her hand on me and had been praying over me in tongues when I gained freedom, and I understood her. Clear as day. It felt like electricity flowing from her to me. It took me a few minutes to register what was happening. I listened intently as she cast out the demon of fear, and poured in me the spirit of hope. She cast out the demons of self-doubt and poured in me the spirit of confidence. She cast out the demons of self-hatred and guilt and poured in the spirit of love. I was completely blown away.
I had heard tongues many times throughout my life, especially on AIM trips; I had even spoken in tongues a few times. But understanding it? This was a first. It continued to happen throughout the next week. I finally broke down and told Lo. She had been praying for a while for someone to be able to interpret. Funny how that works huh? After hearing Lo a good four times that week, I also was blessed enough to be able to understand my other leader Ross as he prayed in tongues. I am not quite sure how the Lord is going to use this yet, but I have no doubt that He is going to use it.
It all happened so quickly; it was like the Lord had been waiting for me for a while. I thought that my heart was all in before, but looking back I realize I was one foot in and one foot out. I was so afraid of being broken, but now that I am, I realized how much beauty and freedom there is in the breaking. It hurt, I won’t lie. Quite easily one of the most spiritually painful experiences I have ever had, but at the same time, it was so beautiful. I was made new.
