God has definitely been teaching me about total dependence oh Him, which has been an answer to months of prayer over the past several months. But this is a hard lesson to learn. I am writing this in my tent, the only shade in the blazing hot desert. We are getting near the end of our water so we are learning to use it scarcely. At night you can hear the lions and hyenas that would like a taste of the remaining goat we slaughtered for dinner that is hanging from a tree near by. And I tell you this not to sound like I’m complaining, but to illustrate the point that God has been teaching me through these days in the bush-fully depend on God to provide and protect his children.
God has challenged me through this time to rely in complete dependence on Him. And it has been physically uncomfortable, but whoever said comfortableness was good? At times I have been discouraged at how much I have been effected at my physical uncomfortableness to where I don’t want to share the gospel, read scripture, or even journal about what’s happening. All I can think about is how hot I am, how many hours until the next meal, when I can refill my water bottle, and even how long until we get back to America.
But yesterday God started working in me and changing my heart. I know God has a plan for me and wants to teach me a lesson or two in my current situation. All day yesterday I just kept telling myself, “I am exactly where God wants me.” and God truly comforted me with that thought. Our team heard a message about how as Christians we need to set our hearts on good things (like how God provides, that He never abandons us, etc.) and that our feelings will follow. So, not to rely on our immediate feelings. Much easier said then done. But through reminding myself that |I am where God wants me to be, God sure enough started changing my feelings. Spiritually, on a scale of 1-10, I started the day at about a 2 – pretty low. However, , by the grace of God at the end of the day I was actually feeling about an 8. This was juyst over the course of 12 hours and nothing in particular changed my feelings instantly. But, being open to God’s work in my heart, having faith God is a good God, and reminding myself God has me exactly where he wants me and that he often uses trials to teach lessons, develop faith and dependence on Him-my heart was re-focused on God and my feelings followed.
By the end of the day I was still physically uncomfortable, but excited to see what God has at hand for our team to accomplish in the desert and what He has to teach me through this experience. Bottom line- When you’re going through tough times spiritually, remember to set you’re heart on God and his promises,and have faith that He will change and mold your heart and that you’re feelings will also change with time.
