hearing HIS voice

A few nights ago I was sitting outside our little cement home, starring at the stars, worshiping with my ipod, when I barried my head in my shirt. I instictively breathed through my nose, which was filled with the distinct smell of Tanzania (It's a smell you particually do not want yourself to smell like). But the second I smelt that burning trash smell my head was filled with the feeling that I was home. I knew I was home because for so long I'd been searching for exactly this. For this relationship with HIM that compares to nothing else because I can hear HIS voice more often then my own.

Living her in Tanzania has been a completely different experience then I could have imagined. It's a place filled with spiritual warfare in the air making it hard to breathe on your own. But when HE breathes into you, lighting you up, and speaking through you, clean air starts to overwhelm the place. You can start to feel the joy that HE brings with every step, the love HE pours out, all because I've hear HIS voice telling me to do more in this place I get to call home.

During our last week here I've been asking for more. Asking him to break my heart for what breaks his. Asking him to guide me to where I'm supposed to go. Asking him to make an impact not only in me but also in the people he guides me to. And he has done exactly that in three different ways, all centered around children, but all different.

On wednesday we went to a our Pastors village to do some door to door ministry around the area. We met people that he had never met, people that had mentored him, and even a local drunk man. Throughout it all we keep with our purpose to tell the good news to everybody we encountered. But just as we were about to leave a woman came running after us asking us to go pray for her old friend that was sick in her head. Of course we followed her not knowing what exactly she meant. As we turned the corner to this little house with two elderly people sitting under their shade tree eating some cucumbers I saw the local drunk man. Overwhelmed that we came to his home, he greeted us telling us these elderly people were his parents. In that moment I knew it was more then drunkenness that was over this entire family.This home was filled with darkness, an extreme amount of generational darkness. A family living a life that they had let teh enemy take complete control of. After we prayed and sang and cryed out to our heavenly father to take these people out of the enemies strong hold, I felt my arm being tugged by a local christian lady that was praying with us. I got tugged towards a grangdaughter or daughter holding this precious baby boy. I immediatly heard HIS voice telling me to pray for this little boy. I spoke words of love to him, I touched his sweet face as his big brown eyes looked up at me and then I said I love you and walked away. The second my feet turned towards the gravel walk way and I took my first step I felt my heart being pulled out by the little hands of that baby boy.

Then on Friday we went to a government public hospital for the first time. they typically don't allow people to come and talk to the patients, so we were allowed to have a tour. We walked through ward after ward seeing pregnant people, sick people, people with broken legs, and sick babies. We walked into the pediatric ward that was filled with maybe 3 families all surrounded around a little one, expect this one. There all by herself on this metal hospital bed sat a mom holding her baby trying to give him water. As I got closer to this mama, the tears running down her face, and the shaking in her hands became more visiable. Again I heard HIS voice telling me to pray for this mama and her baby. That there be healing and love overpoured onto them. That the mama turn to HIM in her deepest time of need and that the baby be healed from whatever has entered his body.

On our last day of ministry in Tanzania we got the opportunity to go to a orphange. We were greeted at the white gate that read Treasures of Africa by Lydia, the director. We could immediatly feel the that this was a place were HE was clearly apparent. Most of the children were at school except or the littlest ones. We were given a tour of the home, where the kiddos slept, where they ate, where they played, and where some of them went to school. After our tour and talking to Lydia (who is truly a woman of God. Her life is an insperation) we got to go outside and play with the little kids. I feel in love with this little girl named Diamond. She has such a joyous heart, she shines just like a diamond. As we were getting ready to leave I was hugged by a group of little girls all at once, then I heard a voice that asked if I'd be back tomorrow. Knowing I wouldn't but knowing in no way could I break the heart of that little heart the way mine was breaking in that moment, I just smiled through the pain and said I love you. Not till days later did I hear HIS voice tell me that one day I'll be able to say yes. Yes I'll be back, I'll be here everyday of your life.

Asking God to move me in ways I could never imagine is a scary thing to ask, but hearing HIS voice in the moments when my heart is breaking for what breaks his, makes it less scary. I know my heart isn't done breaking, HE told me so, this past week was just preparation for what is to come. But knowing that I will be hearing HIS voice makes me ready. And I know I'm ready because He made my heart ready. in every moment when my heart breaks for another child, I know my heart is still whole, because it's held together by all those little hands.