LOTR and Bananas

I woke up this morning to a cloudy sky. As I laid there staring up at the mosquito net covering me, I couldn't help but think that all I wanted to do was curl up on a couch and watch a movie. It was one of those days, and all I wanted was to go hide in my basement with my sisters or maybe a few friends and watch all three extended addition Lord of the Rings back to back (with occassional breaks for baking or froyo runs of course).

I started thinking about back home, missing my life that I left to be here instead. I wanted to walk up to the trailheads with my puppy dog and go for a spontaneous hike. I wanted to run to the park near my house and swing. I wanted to sit and watch TLC with my baby sister. I wanted to wear my fall clothes, my mom's old boots, wooly leggings, my dad's oversized sweater, a scarf, a knit hat. I wanted to see the fall leaves and the first snow that recently fell in Colorado. I wanted a real bathroom that I could take my time cleaning myself in. I wanted freedom to get in a car and just drive while listening to music. I wanted variety in food, the choice to eat what I want. I wanted my mismatched earrings, my necklaces and rings. I wanted to know how my CU buffs are doing, if they are dead last in the the Pac12. I wanted to walk down to the pottery lab and get lost in creating something. I wanted my overalls as silly as that may sound. I wanted to see my mountains, I missed it all.

Then I stopped.

I opened my eyes again and realized that by walking out my door, I could look up and see the highest free standing mountain in the world. I started remembering where I was and what I am doing. I am in Africa, where I have been dreaming of going since I knew of its existance. I am with a group of 13 other incredible girls, whom I love so much. I get to eat mama's delicious cooking every single day, it is so good. We got to see VERVETS (monkeys), and so much other wildlife. I walk down the street and its lined with bougainvillea and poinciana trees. I get to simply do life with the people here, all the beautiful people! I have danced zumba for hours as a form of praise during church. I spent an afternoon beside an elderly woman's bed at a hospital, praying for healing, comforting her and just spending time with her, and returned a couple days later to find that she had died and that I brought her peace in her last few hours. I have been stretched in ways that I did not anticipate whatsoever. I have been given a new name by our hosts, "Ruth." I have sung with our Tanzanian mamas and seen them cry because they will miss their 14 mzungu daughters so much. I have laughed with children, and I have been laughed at by many as well. I have eaten bananas at almost EVERY single meal.

Now when I say that I have eaten so many bananas, that can be taken one of two ways. 'Every' can be said with a monotone voice and an eye-roll, stating how sick and tired I am of the fruit, or it could be said with wide eyes, full of excitement and greatfullness of this blessing from God. And in reality, the choice is mine. I can choose how to look at the bananas, and I choose gratitude and excitement, recognizing that each one is truly a gift that the Lord has blessed me with. I can choose whether I think about everthing that I miss, or how amazing my life is right in this moment and how thankful I am for the present.

Similarly, stepping into the life that God has for me is a concious decision. It's a daily surrender, a committment to say 'yes' to what He has for me. I choose him, and I literally have to restate that phrase 15 times throughout my day. I choose him. And by doing so, I have to let go of everything in my life. My hands have to be fully open so that He can fill them with what He has for me. It's exciting! The work that God is doing in my life is incredible, not always easy, but incredible. He is teaching me patience, what it means to rely completely on him, the importance of forgiveness in healing and how to let something heal correctly, you sometimes have to rebrake the bone for that to happen. He is speaking truth over me and shaping me into the woman he intended for me to be. He is refining me and I am his masterpiece. But I want more of him, I want him to continue to transform my life, I want to fall more and more in love with him every single day.

So I choose him.