It’s kind of ironic, being here in Malawi, in Africa, during the rainy season.
I haven’t been too open with anyone about this, besides my team, but spiritually, I am in a desert right now.
It’s lasting longer than I’d like it too (well, I mean, no one wants to spend any time in a desert..) but it has been a while, and I don’t know when it will end.
Most days it feels like I am going through the motions, praying, reading my Bible, doing all the “right” things, but feeling so far away from Jesus and not having the relationship I want with Him. I know He is here, I know He is working in my life, in this team, here in Africa, but I am struggling with the personal connection right now. And it SUCKS.
It’s been raining every single day this week, and the sun usually only breaks through for a short time. We did ministry in the rain, yesterday and today (and though I love it and would take it over SNOW and Canada ANY day!) people don’t like to come out during the rain. It is wet and muddy and people stay inside their houses.
Today, driving home from ministry (ask me about getting stuck TWICE in the mud) I was looking out the window, just watching the rain.
Being in this desert is exhausting. I have been encouraged to try something new, change the way I “do” my relationship with Jesus. And though I’m not sure yet how exactly that looks, I will continue to fight through. And crazily (but not that crazy) He gives me just exactly what I need, when I ask, to get me through each day.
Just like the Israelites in the desert, whining and complaining and wanting to go back to Egypt, the land where they were persecuted and enslaved, because they had no food. Some days I fight God and say, “Why??” Why me? Why this long? Why, in this time, where I am in such a spiritually rich place? When will it end?” But know what God told the Israelites? Hey! Silly kids! I WILL PROVIDE! And know what? He did! He sent this cool stuff called manna, just enough for each day, no more, no less.
So each day, I come to Him. I ask him for my manna. I ask Him to get me through today. It may frustrate me to not be able to store it up, save it for later, ask for next week’s portion today, but I am learning to be content with my daily manna.
And one day, when I am not even expecting it, the rain will come. It will pour down, flood the fields, the rivers will flow once again.
The Promised Land awaits. As difficult and dry as this desert is, I know how much greater what He is leading me towards will be.
Let the rains come.
