Friends and family reading this already know I had malaria,
and you have been praying for me which I appreciate so much. What you didn’t
know is that I was praying for YOU guys! I know in a lot of situations it’s
easy to become angry with God, I’ve done it countless times. However, this time
was a bit different. Usually I would be saying “Why me, God, REALLY?” But that
didn’t even cross my mind honestly, because I immediately knew He had a purpose
for it, He was going to teach me something. Then I remembered what I had been
reading from my bible the day before, Romans 9:31-39 which in smallest summary
form comes out to “Let NOTHING separate us from the love of God” I realized
that it wasn’t my sickness that was going to separate me from the love of God,
it was my strength. I have always been an extremely independent person, independent
to a fault really. And that pride in my own strength was distancing my relationship
with God. I then thought of something else I had wrote in my journal, “We must
reduce ourselves to nothing so that we can give Him everything” Then I examined
my situation. I had a 103+ fever, migraine, body aching everywhere and I was
laying on a mat in a humid health clinic squeezed in an alley somewhere in Uganda with a
man who didn’t know how to read the instructions for the malaria test. I felt
like nothing and I looked like hell (excuse my language but even the nurse said
so.) I was helpless but not hopeless because although I am weak, my God is
strong. And it is by His grace that I am on my last day of treatment and
feeling pretty well! It was a great reminder that while physically most times I
feel strong, I am nothing without God and I can do nothing without God. Another
verse that came to me when I was really sick was Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I
am with you; do not be dismayed, for I
am your God.I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand.” God doesn’t promise us a life on earth
with no suffering, pain or hardship. But He does promise to be at our side
through all of it, and I believe that He was. So really, I thank God for my
malaria, because it brought my trust in Him, my recognition of His presence,
and my reliance on Him, all to a whole new level. And that is worth more than a
few days of feeling gross. Now let me back track because this is becoming
increasingly scatterbrained and I apologize. I prayed for friends and family because
like I said, it’s easy to be mad at God. But I prayed that instead everyone would
put their trust in Him, take rest in Him, and find peace through His UNFAILING love.
I prayed that He would wrap His arms around them and they could feel secure
that He had me in the very same arms, thousands of miles away. I also prayed
that nobody sees my healing as me being strong, because God is where my
strength lies and it is because of His healing heart that I have the energy to
be typing this right now. So I appreciate the concern and prayers so much, but
please remember to thank God for answering, because He didn’t have to.
Although, I never feared that option because our God is real, He is good and He
is with us, ALWAYS.
