Today is the first full day of training camp. It’s early and I’m stretching my back, trying my very best to pay attention to the speaker. As I sit and stare at the stage, my mind begins to fade away from the sermon. I begin to think of the past year. This year has been fruitful, incredible, a time of waiting patiently on the Lord. I begin thinking of all the ways the Lord has used me, and how He has transformed my life. At this, I start fanticizing about Africa, when I hear the word “pride” come from the stage. I quickly snap back and sit up in my seat. Suddenly I’m enthralled by the speaker as she is talking of the similarities between pride and insecurity. As I sit back and listen, I realize that the Lord is speaking directly to my heart. On any given day I would be quick to speak of my insecurities, but recognizing my pride, not so much. Soon I come to the realization that my insecurities have manifested into a thick coating of pride over the last year. In this moment, the Lord tore down a wall in my heart that left me completely exposed and vulnerable. No longer would it be possible for me to hide from the emotions that I had so easily put in bondage. Today the Lord revealed me in the most terrifying, yet rewarding way. He shook me to my core, He broke down my pride, and He exposed the darkest, most hidden parts of my flesh. It is here that the Lord broke me, mind and spirit, He broke me. The walls are down, the fight is won, and He stands victorious. And in this victorious state, I surrender. I surrender to His plans and His will, but most importantly I surrender to the ways in which He decides to piece me back together.
